Seek Up Joy | Jessica Rose Couture

January wanders in silently like the softly falling snowflakes upon the barren branches outside my window. With my hand upon my cheek, chest over the back of the sofa, and legs curled under a warm blanket, I look out my window to weigh the scene of a newly snow covered plain. For an instant, the frosty scene makes my childlike sense of wonder leap with joy, but my logical thinking runs through a list of thoughts and worries that drown out that joyful wonder. Do I seek joy in the cold within my childlike wonder, or do I stay cozy and secure inside from the vulnerabilities of the new landscape? A new year is dawning on the heels of a global pandemic in a season that thrives on temperamental behavior. Many of us may be wondering how we seek up joy and connection to ourselves and others in times where weighing risk often feels unsettling. 

Winter has not historically been my season. For me, the disintegration of joy begins in the fall alongside the shorter days as the brilliance of fall gives way to barren branches and flattened landscapes. Last January, I found myself wrestling inside my anxious mind rather than embracing the season of darkness, rest, and reflection. I couldn’t have known then that I needed to allow myself repose from the ebb and flow of anxiety to prepare for the year ahead. This January, I vowed to find respite for my aching heart--to take a chance on finding joy within myself instead of shrinking away deeper into uncertainties.

Sometime in early October, a close friend and I had enough of 2020. We began sharing several dispiriting texting sessions with one another. It was easy for my friend and I to continue to vent to one another, but I didn’t feel relief after our long texting sessions. I felt defeated, frustrated, unmotivated, and frankly, hopeless. I saw the darkness of the next season approaching, and it made me anxious all over again. My heart felt heavier than ever. It angered me to feel so stuck. Even if I wanted to make a change, what control did I have during a pandemic? 

The feeling had been with me all year, and I finally had enough. I cried, and I screamed, and I sat outside alone, and I wrote down my thoughts until the tears had passed. I did it again the next day, and the next. Then came a spark of hope: I began to notice that each day I felt a little better. I was becoming aware of my feelings and thoughts. After months of often paralyzing anxiety, I began to feel relief from the grief my heart was holding from loss of connection and joy. As painful as the process was, I realized I was beginning to let go. I was finally giving myself respite from my powerful, anxious thoughts that didn’t allow for me to feel I was worthy of joy.

Each new day I spent more time outside, regardless of the weather because I understood that it grounded me and helped me feel at peace. I picked up my eyes on my daily walk and said hello to people passing whether they returned a gaze or not. I began to create space and time to read books I’d always wanted to read, and made time to write or take photographs daily. I found conversations with my loved ones and friends were different too: The deeper, more joyful connection I was seeking became more present.

Now, I’m no magical self-help guru. The magic here was finally offering grace to myself through a new found sense of awareness of emotions processing rather than getting stuck. It’s uncomfortable and takes a great deal of practice to let emotions truly be felt all the way through without stuffing them down or telling ourselves they aren’t valid. I’m here to tell you, It gets easier, and you are worth it. The reward is energizing joyfulness and a renewed sense of wonder. Perspectives naturally begin to change as a pathway to genuine connection to yourself and others. 

I didn’t get to this renewal of spirit alone this year. In fact, there was professional therapy, which I advocate for whole-heartedly. I also had support from family and close friends--especially from that incredible friend I mentioned earlier. Together, that friend and I chose to gracefully and honestly hold each other accountable on our journeys from hopelessness to joy and connection. Not every day is a good day, but none have looked as bleak as they did before.

2020 has been a year of very little control for most of us. Many feel stuck, frustrated, and ever anxious. What would happen if you chose to accept that lack of control to make space to seek joy and deeper connection within yourself? Can you find grace and purpose in letting yourself grieve and move through the emotions in your season of winter? Here are five things you can do today to begin your journey to seeking joy and connection:

-Create a safe space for you to express and release your emotions, frustrations, and anxiety. Try making a cozy retreat in your home, keeping a journal, or exercising.

-Find 3-5 activities or daily rituals that calm your heart and quiet your mind. Allow these activities to help you gain awareness of your feelings of calm, which will later help create new perspectives you can draw upon to ease your anxiety. Practice these activities daily or on a rotating basis if it’s too overwhelming at first. Try reading for 20 minutes a day, exercising, learning a new skill or hobby, connecting with a loved one or friend, volunteering, or performing a random act of kindness for someone.

-Breathe: Take 20 minutes a day to inhale and exhale slowly, meditate, practice yoga, or my favorite, qigong. I recommend spending some of this time outside to connect to nature, if you are able.

-Seek out a friend who will help hold you accountable to practice your calming activities.

-Celebrate each step when your heart feels lighter by simply smiling or praising yourself for a good day.

We may not have control of the world outside our window, but we can choose to seek up joy within ourselves and connect deeper to those in our world. As for me, I’ll be slipping on my boots and stepping outside into the cold, wonderous landscape this January. I will close my eyes and listen for a moment of the hum of the world around me. I will inhale the chilly air and feel it seep into my lungs, then exhale with a peaceful heart. It feels at once hopeful and energizing. Maybe winter is my season after all. 

Wishing you peace, joy, and fresh new perspectives for 2021!

Author Bio: Tonja Sjerven is a true Colorado girl, where she and her husband savor every moment of raising their two teenage boys and one sweet and sassy boxer named Mia. Her favorite hobby is combining photography and writing to capture the essence of moments in time. Tonja loves exploring the wonders of nature, traveling, good food (lots of tacos!), putting perfect music playlists together for road trips, quality laughs with friends, and catching live music every chance she gets.